Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
