the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my sisters under your porch take her home
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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