Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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