I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
