I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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