so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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