Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
