Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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