So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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