the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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