It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
