Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
