We're facebook friends in real life
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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