I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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