Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
