So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
