Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
