oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
