similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
