This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
