booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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