You're completely useless in the revolution.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
