Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
