His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she looked like the before picture.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
