I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
