I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
