So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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