i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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