hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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