Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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