Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
