I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
