Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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