I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
