Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
