There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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