I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
