It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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