You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
there is puke in my bra ... again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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