the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
