I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
