Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
