Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
