He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was confusing and full of hummus
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
