i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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