He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want to fling myself into the sun
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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