so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
