Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
They took my balls.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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