She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize