my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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