I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
