I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize