I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
