I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
