found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
