Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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