I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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