Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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