please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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