i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So squirting runs in the family.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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