I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
