Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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