worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
