We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
