Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
