yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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