How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
