I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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