his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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