she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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