I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
