I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Banned from zoo.
Again?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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