Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
another moral hangover. fuck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize