I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm jealous of your bromance
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
