Your tits are I can't wait for
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
