my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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