separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
